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Instructions Not Included

I remember when I took my first baby home from the hospital.

We drove really slow. At least 20 under the speed limit. Every bump was gently maneuvered.

I also kept wondering why they just let me leave the hospital with this new little thing. Did they know that I didn’t know what I was doing?

I really think that instructions should be included. You could birth them right after the placenta. The instruction manual could include chapters like “Those Sleepless Newborn Nights” and “Which Bottle Nipple Will This Baby Prefer”.

I called my Mom that evening. Exactly what do I do now?

Then I called my Midwife. Why does my whole body hurt? Oh and I have a few baby questions for you…

Then I called my Pediatrician. When do you need to see him? In one to two days! Are you sure that is soon enough? Something could happen to him in the next 24 hours. Is he supposed to sleep this much?

Then I texted everyone I knew who had a child…

Eventually we figured each other out. But seriously instructions would have been helpful.