Welcoming a new baby to the family is an exciting time for everyone. A new baby joining the family also means many changes for everyone, including big brothers, big sisters, and even pets.
Although this is an adjustment period, with a little planning, patience, and grace for yourself and your entire family, you can help make this transition better for everyone. Every family is unique and depending on your children’s personalities and ages you may already have ideas of what will work best for you and your family.
Here are just a few ideas for you to consider when planning to help siblings adjust as they welcome the newest member of the family:
Include older siblings in your pregnancy and planning
- Show them your ultrasound, or if they are old enough bring them along
- Read them age appropriate books about pregnancy or becoming a big brother or sister
- Show them photos of when you were pregnant with them and when they were a baby (remind them that the same excitement, planning, and attention took place when they were born)
- Let them help with shopping for the new baby or making the baby registry
If you have a baby shower
- If the older sibling is present for the shower consider having a special shirt, button, corsage, etc. honoring their role
- Give or bring home a special gift from the baby shower for them
- Let them pick out a gift for the baby for them to bring to the baby shower
If you are planning to decorate a nursery space for the new baby or move the older sibling to a new room, spend time making their room special and include them in decorating their space
Plan and allow for an adjustment phase
- If you have a toddler that was recently potty trained, understand that the occasional accident is not unusual
- Your toddler that has previously stopped using a pacifier or bottle may revert to showing interest in and asking to use these
- You may notice your toddler’s sleep schedule is interrupted with waking during the night or showing some resistance to his bedtime routine
Although being flexible is important and your newborn will not be on a schedule, attempt to maintain the older sibling’s daily routines when possible
- Avoid using this time to make other big changes such as potty training or enforcing a new sleep schedule
- Remain consistent in your previously establishment behavior expectations, but when you notice siblings seemingly “acting out,” remember this may be a sign they are needing your attention. Spend some one on one time with them, go for a walk together, play outside, read them a book, etc.
- Balance consistency with flexibility and understanding
Make a plan for when siblings meet the new baby
- Have a small special gift ready to give siblings “from the new baby”
- Let siblings pick out a gift they want to give their new baby when they meet them
- If you plan to have siblings come to meet the new baby in the hospital
- Choose a time after the initial first few hours of recovery when mom has had a chance to feed the baby, rest, and“clean up” from delivery
- Have another family member present to hold the baby so that mom’s arms are open to hug or hold siblings and focus her attention on them
- Allow time and ways for siblings to safely interact with the baby
Make a plan for introducing baby to your pets too
- Send a small blanket, towel, or piece of clothing from the hospital home with a family member for your pet to smell and “investigate” so that they can become familiar with the new baby’s scent
- Depending on your pet’s disposition, decide on when and how to introduce baby
- If your pet tends to be most rambunctious when you first walk in the door, have a family member go in before bringing in baby and give them a few moments of greeting time excitement before bringing in baby
- Choose a time when your pet is most calm to introduce baby and safely observe them as they investigate their new family member
- Give your pets the attention they need and if you have family, friends, or neighbors looking for ways to help asking them to play with your pet or take them for a walk can help you during this time that your baby needs your attention
- Reward and praise the good behaviors and manners you observe in their interaction with baby
If you have a toddler or young child, having a small basket, box, or bag of special quiet activities that are reserved for times that you are feeding or putting the baby to sleep can help.
A few things that may interest and occupy siblings during this time are
- Books (interactive “lift the flap” or sensory books are great to hold toddler’s attention) or tablet
- Puzzles or coloring activities
- Dolls with bottles and diapers (so they can role play caring for their baby doll while you care for baby)
- Matching, sorting, and lacing activities
- Building blocks or legos
With a little planning, time, attention, grace, and love, welcoming your newest family member will be a special and memorable time for everyone.
